How to tell when a man doesn’t love you enough

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Are you in a relationship where you keep questioning how much your man loves you? Do you sometimes you feel like you should just walk away but you can’t because you don’t know how to? You are scared of detachment and the fear of being alone.Do you find yourself having a pit in your stomach when he doesn’t call you on a Friday night till 4 am when you know he is out with his friends?Do you get scared to bring up relationship issues to him?Do you end up feeling it is your fault every time when it is not? Are you sad more than happy? If yes, you are in a relationship where a man doesn’t love you

You might reason, rationalize and convince yourself after each fight that it is normal and happens between every couple but somewhere you know it is not true.

Or are you in a relationship where there are obstacles between you and your partner in having a future together be it family, caste,parents, work, distance etc.You want to make it work and you would do anything for it but you do not see that equal effort from your man.Does he say he loves you but is not sure what the future holds?If yes, you are in a relationship where perhaps he loves you, but just not enough

When a man truly loves, he loves fully.He will fight for you.He will find a reason amongst million excuses for you both to be together.He will have a will to make things work no matter how hard it is.When a man loves you, you will know.If you have to question yourself, probably he may or may not love you but he just doesn’t love you enough.

As much as each relationship is unique and it is hard to generalize there are few things you can note to ask yourself if you are with a man who truly loves you –

10 Signs that tell you, he just doesn’t love you enough:

“When a man loves you, he might have a million reasons to leave but he will find one reason to stay.If he doesn’t, he will have many reasons to stay but he will find one excuse to leave”

1.He doesn’t care enough to make up after a fight:

It is normal to have fights between every couple and even sleep overnight with it so that you both calm down but if you notice your man is sleeping off, switching off his cell phone and ignoring you at the cost of your sleepless restless nights then this is an alarm sign.You might notice yourself calling him, texting him, getting frustrated, weeping just so you can resolve the issue whereas he just ignores you till he is in a mood to talk.You will be breaking your head but he will be going on with his life as if nothing happened.A guy who loves you will equally be restless to make up and be upset to see you upset.He will not ignore you.

“Whenever we would fight, my ex would switch off his cellphone.I used to be so restless unable to sleep and he would just avoid me for few days.Even after few days if he would come about and talk, he would wrap up the fight as if he was doing me a favor.It seemed selfish on his part that he could sleep and I could not.I was the one always running after him to resolve issues.With my next boyfriend who is now my fiancé, it was a mutual interest to solve if we had any issues no matter how hard it was.He made me realize that my ex-was a big mistake”

Liana,29

2.He never says sorry when he messes up:

Everyone makes mistakes and the right thing to do is leave your ego aside and say sorry for the sake of your relationship and for the sake of love.But if he doesn’t care enough he will not say sorry even though it is outright his mistake.He will say things like “this is just how I am “, ” it is not a big deal” or ” don’t make a mountain of a mole hill”.In the end, he will make you feel guilty about making it an issue rather than him feeling apologetic.

3.He doesn’t introduce you or involves you with family and family matters:

Sometimes, men take the time to introduce or involve the girl when it comes to family.Unlike women, unless a man is sure of a girl or sure that he can support her in all ways, he will avoid introducing her to his family to avoid any complications.This does not mean he never will.Even after a year of dating, if a man hardly mention his family or tell them about you, maybe he is not that sure about you.

“My ex’s family knew about me but my ex would never make me meet them or discuss his family history or background with me.He would hate to put our pictures together on social media in case his family members or relatives saw it.I always felt somewhat detached even though we had been dating for over 2 years.It seemed he was keeping his options open.”

Medha,26

4.He talks about women all the time:

He tends to ask about your friends, over -socializes with girls in a club, chats with random girls, sends friend requests to unknown girls, or praises other girls all the time even in front of you.If he has any of these symptoms, he doesn’t love you enough.A man who truly loves you will respect your sentiments and make you feel the most special.

“My ex would keep bragging about how many girls gave him their numbers, bought drinks for him.He would always comment on any friend of mine I would introduce him to if she was hot or not.When I would get angry, he said he was just teasing me.But he did it often.He didn’t realize but it hurt me.I didn’t understand why he needed attention from other girls even though I was in his life.Eventually, he ended up cheating on me and we broke up”

Kiara, 25

5.He never brings up the topic of future and avoids when you do:

He never discusses what the future could hold for the two of you.If you mention it, he gets annoyed, changes the topic or says we will talk later and never does.If your man does this often, he is not that into you.A man who loves you will make sure you know how serious he is about you.He will assure you even if you do not expect it and not get angry if you bring the topic of future and commitment.

“My boyfriend and I loved each other a lot, at least that is what I thought.We belonged to different communities and he wasn’t sure if his parents would accept me.Hence he never brought up the topic of us getting together.Eventually, I had to tell him that if he could not face his parents I would have to move on.He told me he couldn’t go against his family and I should move on.He was a great guy but I guess I was just not that important for him to fight for me”

Lisa-Ann, 28

6.You feel scared to discuss relationship issues with him:

If you find yourself often stressed out to discuss an issue with him thinking he will get angry or cut you off, maybe he is not someone you should be with.A man who truly loves you will make you feel comfortable enough for you to discuss anything with him no matter how awkward or difficult that conversation might be.

7.He criticizes you and lowers your self-esteem:

If you often find yourself low on self-esteem and confidence around your man, criticisedif you feel you are always trying too hard to please him or if he says things that make you feel bad about yourself then you are not with the right person.

“I was dating a guy once who indirectcriticizedme.If we went out, he would tell me how to behave as if I was uncivilised.If I wore shorts and skirts, he told me I did not look good in western clothes and if he saw other girls on tv or in clubs wearing those clothes, he would tell me how good they looked.It really brought down my self-esteem till I broke up with him.”Anna, 29

8.He wants to go out alone more than he wants to be with you :

He is not a keeper if he makes plans on his own most of the time and does not involve you.He avoids clubbing with you, does not take time off for you, meets you only when he has not much to do or when it is convenient for him even though you are always going out of your way to meet him and his needs.

“My boyfriend of one year often went out clubbing without me, which was ok as I had my own friends circle to hang out with but he would want to meet me only in the wee morning.It made me feel like a booty call.He also had restrictions on how many times I could stay over at his place.It seemed like he made all the rules and decisions in our relationship.I always felt I had no say.” – Reva, 24

9.You have to keep asking him to meet you :

If you feel you are the only one initiating plans to meet and he seems to not care much if you don’t meet for a long period of time, maybe he doesn’t need you as much as you do.It is ok to be secure but it is not ok if your boyfriend is comfortable even if you both are not talking or meeting for a week.A guy who loves you will want to be in touch with you regularly.

10.He doesn’t care enough to know more about your life and family :

He never enquires about how your work is treating you, how your family is doing.He never insists to know if your family knows about him and what they think about him.He gets impatient when you rant about your day  or problems.He prefers talking about himself, his thoughts rather than listening to yours.

“My last boyfriend would hang up whenever I told him about any issue I had.He often complained that I had too many problems in life.It is not like I would complain every day but he just didn’t want to spend time hearing me out.My friends gave me advise and helped me.They did what he should have been doing”

Maria, 23

When a man truly loves you, you feel at peace, you will feel normal and happy even with the ups and downs.If he doesn’t, you will constantly find yourself in a battle of wanting to be happy and trying to make him him happy.Love has no excuses and no justifications.If you have to justify it, perhaps you need to walk out and find someone with whom reasons don’t matter.Only love does.Maybe you need to find someone who wants to be with you as much as you do.Find someone with whom you can be yourself, your true self, unconditionally.Find someone who knows how to give as much as you give.Then perhaps you will know what love truly means.

If you have a question for us or need one-on-one advice, email thecrispycorner@gmail.com or pm us on https://www.facebook.com/TheCrispyCorner. We will maintain your anonymity. USD 10 / per question/advice via paypal + free extra follow up. Details for payment and session date will be sent via email.

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14 Comments

    • I have a guy in my life like this.. For 20 years~!! He hits all 10 of the marks..
      Problem is..He doesn’t want to stay out of my life..
      Saying I would like time off from this, or in any way show a desire to end this..He starts accusing ME of not loving HIM enough..And gets angry and does things to make my life harder.. He seems to want ownership.. And makes me sorry I even thought of breaking up.
      Yet, he gets back to not showing any real interest when he thinks he’s stopped me from breaking up.
      So I hope all who are here don’t let YEARS and YEARS go by in this kind of mess..
      Just walk away.
      Because in the end..You will be like me.
      Family and friends have all but disappeared from my life. All thanks to him and the anger and sadness and confusion, preoccupation he has created in me.. I am bad company most the time.
      Dump the guy.. You will get over it..
      Cause in the end you will any way.. Rip off the bandaid..
      He will hurt you either way.. Better do it fast and have a life left .

  1. He does not introduces you to his friends and he had an excuse for it ,he changes the future topics …among all the ten signs he has only two the remaining eight he doesn’t …so i dnt know what is going on thou its my own relationship

  2. What a joke. Here’s a guy’s answer, point by point:
    1. We don’t care to make up after fake fights, caused by you because you love drama. And is it my fault that I’m emotionally stable enough to sleep when I need sleep, even if you’re not?
    2. Doesn’t happen. Men are always apologizing, and women never do. You know this is true.
    3. Of course this is true. But why should you expect men to always like you? You don’t like every guy you meet. Of course I’m not going to introduce you to family if I’m not sure. If this is happening, work on your relationship, and if it doesn’t improve, dump him. But you won’t.
    4. Agree – this is a player and you should dump him. But you won’t.
    5. See #3. Doesn’t he have a right to have reservations about the future, just as you should?
    6. You should be, because chances are you are pushing him before he’s ready. Which is a sure why to drive him off. Stupid move.
    7. Agree – if he does this dump him NOW! But you won’t.
    8. This means you’re not a couple yet. Either work on making you two a couple, or move on if he doesn’t want to.
    9. See #8. This is part of courtship. If he isn’t going where you want him to go, move on. But you won’t.
    10. See #8 again. You are not in a relationship until you BOTH agree you are in one. And until then, the inner workings of my life are none of your business.

    • SO let me ask you this . If I’m straight forward and ask N tell him , I’m good with being just friends because we do N can talk about everything , and we like each other as human beings .. The only answer he gave up until yesterday was ITS NOT ME , N PLEASE DONT FEEL LEFT OUT ,, SO when he finally says he has some serious issues going on ,, that there is no one else . Do I believe him , when he has hurt me in the past ,,, we split up for a while I didn’t bother with him at all , it got ugly , I had to blow his bs out of the water in a SO so not nice way ,,,, but he came to seek me out again , which I thought was crazy OF him because of the way things ended ,,, but he did do everything that was asked of him ,,, to get back with me ,,, how do I help him out of his dark place HES in ,,, if that’s truly the case ,,,,, or is he trying to play me for the 2 nd time

    • Fake fights?
      There is the answer to the problem..YOU decide its fake so you don’t have to respond to it.. and feel justified..
      Apologizing once doesn’t count.
      Not talking about a future is keeping a woman in limbo. And its mean. Its her life she is wanting to look forward to. Not an empty load of questions..A guy that loves a woman would love to plan for a future together. One where she can feel safe and secure in putting her life on hold for.
      Since this is about TIME and no one gets time back.. .YES a woman has a right to know if its worth her time.
      Work on making him want to be a couple? so you have the idea that the woman should cater to him and find things HE likes so he will want to spend time with her doing the things HE likes..
      And for number 10.. If you think you ARE so important that you can’t share your life with a woman you are wanting to take years out of her life from .Then she should tell YOU good bye.
      You sound like a guy that should leave good women alone .. And make it clear you only date and want no real relationship..
      It would save a lot of women a lot of pain. But guys that think like you LOVE being loved. So duping a woman into loving him is a real ego booster.
      YOU deliberately mis lead for the personal thrill of it.
      Otherwise you would only do the one night stands and leave the nice girls alone..

  3. Mine, of 8 months, kept talking to his exes, and although they were long distance, he still had a sexual interest in them and they he. He would not let go even after being involved with me and he told them but that still did not stop them or him. This is a man of 56 years old btw, not a 20 something year old. In the beginning, he used these relationships as leverage to have control over our relationship and feel secure that other women still liked him. Every Sunday or Monday night, this one ex would call from Aus, and he would not answer if i was there but spent an hour on the phone with her the following day and came home late and I had to eat alone or wait long for him. At then end of our relationship, after he kept saying, he was going to stop talking to them, he used those relationships to hold his resentment to me for confronting him about them. Before we finally broke up, as I had broke it off 2 times, and he several, as he said I was trying to control him for discussing these issues, he said he cannot change or make changes. Even when I returned from Asia after several weeks, he was not excited to see me much and came to the bus depot late. He was fake to me most the time and only nice to me to get sex that is all. Beware of men who do not care or respect your feelings- they only show enough care to get sex but when they hurt you after using you and treat you like a disposable wet tissue, it is very bad. I have found men from the UK to be more like this and this entire description is almost exactly what I had to deal with. Thank you – I only wish I found your post and no. 1 when the issues first started happening long back. This is a very good article with a great list of the red flags to be aware of. I only wish I knew about this earlier.

  4. My man does all of this … wht should b done .?? I feel soo misreable …

    • Hi there,

      I recently ended my relationship with my bf of 1 year… I also felt miserable, he suddenly been acting strange, became distant, and pretty much showed all of these signs… It was not easy but I decided that this relationship is making me so unhappy and anxious, so got the courage one day and broke up with him… If you also have a gut feeling like I did, and ignore it, you will continue to feel miserable. Sometimes in lofe, it is better to let go and find someone else who truly admires you. It is really hard but life is too short to be miserable and unappreciated, and you are just wasting precious time with the wrong guy, rather than finding the right guy…. I hope this helps.
      X

    • Rip the bandaid off.
      This can go on for years. Trust me.. And in the end you will be in the same situation with him. And worse off .Loss of self esteem, loss of friends ..
      He won’t change and honestly , in the end you won’t love him anymore anyway..
      Why waste the time and the life experiences and the friends only to end up with nothing ?

  5. I hate to say this i have to cos even if it feels wrong its something i had to do.Some people say if a door closes another opens but i say that is just a way of dealing with the pain we feel cos really if we loss something or someone so dear, we can never really get a replacement cos nothing will ever seem to fit.Well that was just how i felt when my Husband left 4 years old marriage. It was all my fault. My happiness ended when i lost my Husband to another woman, our marriage came to an end but am happy because everything turned around for good, all thanks to DR MACK. Its amazing how DR MACK was able to restore my marriage Just in a blink of an eye, This is how best i can explain it. I loved my husband with all my heart and was really not going to let go. DR.MACK is honest and trustworthy and reliable. contact Dr.mac@yahoo. com if you want to restore your relationship.

  6. I finally have accepted that both of my exes never really loved me because neither cared one bit to keep a picture of me or us.
    It does hurt but enough time has passed that I can accept it.
    My first was mentally and physically abusive. However, on his dying bed he said he was never sober a day after we broke up. And that I was the best things he ever had. That’s not love. That’s his needs were fulfilled, however, be damned about mine. It is sad to know that you have never really been loved.

  7. It all becomes easier to accept when you realise the type of person we r dealing with. Men who do these things are not emotionally mature and will never be able to treat any woman right. Trust me it’s not you it’s them.

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